Showing newest 12 of 39 posts from August 2010. Show older posts
Showing newest 12 of 39 posts from August 2010. Show older posts

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Back to Reality

OK, so I had a terrible day yesterday. I've got to put it behind me, pop a couple of SSRIs and hit the road.

When I was up late, feeling sorry for myself and wallowing last night, I rediscovered a video of me and my little man which just made me take a deep breath, close my eyes and feel a ton of strain and stress being lifted off my shoulders.

My little monster-man. All I need.

Monday, 30 August 2010

Time Out

Today has just been absolutely dreadful. I woke up this morning feeling OK and one thing at a time the day just fell apart in front of my eyes.

Before we had even left the house Harry had kicked me about three short of a million times whilst trying to change his bum and dress him. Screaming at me, "No!" and twisting his body away from me the best he could, "Get OFF, Mummy!" No amount of explaining, that if he didn't get dressed he wouldn't be going to the farm, helped. What's more grandparent's have a tendency to say "Ohhhh, what's the matter, what's the matter darling?". This morning I reacted with, "You're kidding me right? He's just been kicking me and punching me and you're being nice to him. Don't."

The day continued on rocky ground; I'd had a panic attack on the car park at the farm. DS was so naughty whilst we were there too; screaming whilst kicking and punching at me again, wanting to stand in one spot, tearing my skirt, crying and refusing to look at the animals.

I  don't even know what triggered it from there, I don't know what led to the build up. I do know that my little boy has just been a complete terror all day and at about 5pm today, I just lost it. I was trying to write an assignment, the little man was playing with cars and watching Pixar's Cars, someone else was playing music and the kettle was boiling. Something inside my head just snapped. The build up of noise, the variation of sounds, the clash of it all. It just made something pop inside my head. I left the living room and went into a bedroom to have a bit of a sob, it ached. I could hear my little boy banging at the kitchen child-gate, wanting to go into a kitchen which contained a red hot oven and pans boiling on a stove. The winging, the whining, the winging, the whining. I buried my face harder into the duvet. I knew he wasn't on his own and I knew he was safe. I just needed a minute. Just one minute. Just silence. Please.

I calmed myself and walked out of the bedroom.

"I need to be on my own. I need to have some time on my own away from here. I can't cope with this anymore."

What you must understand at this point is that I've left my little boy for a total of two episodes of one night since he was born. I didn't leave him at all until he was 9 months, he was by my side 24/7. He didn't get left overnight with his grandparents until he was nearly two. When I say I need to be on my own, when I say I need a break, I mean it. 

And I mean it because, although I was calm and although I had stopped the sobbing, my mind had disconnected itself and I had decided that if I didn't have that time I wanted to die. Rash? Well. Imagine hating yourself so much that you wouldn't want to inflict yourself on your family. That you don't want to show yourself to other people because you're so sick with angst that they will hate you like you hate yourself. Imagine feeling that you are just no practical use to anyone. You're a state, a let down and a complete failure. 

This is how I feel most days, most hours, most minutes. Particularly today.

My son? Yes, I know. Now I've calmed down I completely understand that I need to be here for him and normally when I hit rock bottom that thought is still in my head, it's my protection, my security. But today was different, a new thought came into my head, the thought that me being here actually hindered him rather than helped him. 

I walked out of the house, had a cold drink and cried so hard that my teeth clenched and my muscles tensed, my migraine soared and I went dizzy with tears. My eyes and cheeks were stinging and my body was rocking uncontrollably. I was talking into thin air, talking to no one, but I was talking; "Why am I here? Why am I here? What is this?". I don't know who I expected to answer or who I was talking to but I wanted answers.

Again I calmed, I went back in the house and I said, "I need some time. I need to go and get in bed and calm down." The smell of food knocking me sick, the sound of the TV piercing my headache.

I took my torn skirt off and put my fleece pyjamas on and got in bed. I heard my family having tea and I was glad I wasn't there. I was glad I was here, not really living it, away from it all, protected from it. And I will continue to calm, and I will blog because blogging is the same as the person I talked to outside, I say what I think, I ask questions, I make statements. I don't know who I'm talking to and I don't know who will answer me.

I don't often blog about my depression but today I needed to. I haven't commented on Marketing to Milk's blog re. depression because I am undecided. A lot of people with depression argued against what she was saying, some agreed. I'm neither here nor there. I think when you reach a certain point you don't feel like you fit a category, it isn't black and white. I don't blog for any particular reason. Sometimes I hate myself for doing it, I think I'm stupid. But that's on the days where I hate myself anyway. I hate everything I do. I'm not self-obsessed, I'm stuck. I'm not selfish. Killing myself would be? Yes. I'm still here, and maybe that's why.

Not such a great mum after all. No one's perfect, especially not me.

Ladybugs Horticultural Centre & Wellybobs Farm

Today was the Grand Opening of Ladybugs Horticultural Centre and the Wellybobs Farm. What wasn't clear until we got there was that Ladybugs and Wellybobs are two separate businesses. 

Wellybobs is a petting farm with calves, alpacas, ducks, rabbits, guinea pigs, pigs, goats, chicks, ponies and donkeys. There is also a cute little cafĂ© connected to a play area with a difference. The inside area consists of a baby/toddler soft play strip, a good sized sand pit with toys, a bouncy castle and a wooden climbing area. There is also a park area outside with a small zip wire suitable for older children. Activities include pony rides around the farm fields, craft time, story time, trampolines, tractor rides and talks from the staff about the animals and general farming information. 

There is also a picnic area and facilities suitable for parties and school trips. For more information regarding this please see the Wellybobs Website.

The farm area of Ladybugs and Wellybobs isn't free for everyone; 
Children Under 2 - FREE
Children Over 2 - £4.50
Concessions - £4.50
Adults - £5

There are also special offers available for group bookings, childminders, family tickets and Wednesdays, information is on their Website

Areas of the farm is still being built, but it is clean and the animals are lovely for the children to see and pet. There are plenty of hand hygiene stations and the farm is well supervised by staff. The animals seem to be well cared for and have the option of being inside or outside, it seemed at all times. I liked the variation of animals at Wellybobs, it wasn't just your run-of-the-mill farm, with sheep and cows. The animals were unusual breeds and they definitely had more of an appeal than standard farm types. 

There are also other farm areas which we didn't see today, but on another day we'll definitely be giving it a go;
For those of you who love walking, we have miles of footpaths where you can regularly spot wild deer, foxes, rabbits, otters and all manner of different creatures. For the bird watcher in you, we have kingfishers, buzzards, herons, dippers to name a few.Free WiFi is also available in the play centre.
It has the makings of something great and I'd definitely pay to go again. My little boy loved the soft play area and the sand pit.

Ladybugs is the Horticultural Centre attached to the Wellybobs Farm. It is free to enter Ladybugs, for everyone! It is a garden centre with a difference. There are plants dotted about for sale, but they are displayed in a really attractive way which makes them part of the Ladybugs garden. The centre is obviously designed for children to explore. There is a gorgeous pond, with decking which today was the home of an eagle and an owl. Other owls and birds of prey were on the field near to the pond. Ladybugs also features a castle floored with wood chipping (as a bit of a hidey hole for the children), a hobbit hole, a herb scent trail, water features and lots of little paths to wander down. The shop is small, but has gardening basics and some local produce such as jams and biscuits. I can really see Ladybugs as a cute, relaxing little place. It's not like anywhere I've ever been before. We're lucky to have it on our doorstep.

Ladybugs is no ordinary Horticultural Centre... it has been designed for children and is made as hands on as possible. We want children and adults to learn about growing your own food, flowers and fauna. Set in the beautiful Lancashire countryside, Ladybugs will inspire everyone, get imaginations flowing and brains ticking.
Climb through the castle and learn about Alpines, crawl around the hobbit house and look at grasses and forest flowers. Walk along the ever changing inspiration gardens for ideas to take back to your outdoor space. Our enthusiastic staff have a collective experience of 112 years in growing, gardening, planting, weeding and farming. We all have a passion for the countryside, our planet, birds, insects and animals. Our nature pond is full of life and even home to dragonflies! The pond is available for school booking pond dipping and has been planted to encourage as much natural wildlife as possible. There is also a bog garden which is a haven for wildlife.

I didn't manage to take any photographs of Wellybobs, so the pictures of the farm are off the Wellybobs Farm Facebook Group. I'll blog about why at some point. However, the photos from Ladybugs are my own. Information on both Wellybobs and Ladybugs can be found on the Visit Wellybobs Website.

If you live anywhere up North, I'd give it a month for Wellybobs to get finished off and then it's definitely worth a visit to both Wellybobs and Ladybugs. Let me know what you think. We might see you there!

Introducing MissSLB

MissSLB and Beckickles in 2005
I am dedicating this entire blog post to pimping my life long friend, and my no-longer-twitter-virgin, @MissSLB.

She did leave me all alone in 2005 when she moved to Dorset. But, hey, that's OK, y'gotta put the past behind you. I forgive her. Just.

Sarah is new to Twitter and is getting married on 29th August 2011. She's on a twitter wedding mission and needs all the help she can get. This too involves befriending her and tweeting non-wedding related messages when she is sick of weddingness. 

Please follow her, get your friends to follow her, follow follow follow!

And be nice. She's new.

Looking for something to do this Bank Holiday?

If you're looking for something to do up North this Bank Holiday Monday then look no further. Today marks The Offical Grand Opening of the Wellybobs & Ladybugs Horticultural Farm in Eccleshill, Darwen.

Although mainly a garden centre, the farm has a horticultural centre (never!), hobbit house, play castle, natural pond, water features, pigs, calves, goats and well, what they're famous for, alpacas.

For the Grand Opening Ladybugs is holding a children's treasure trail 'which will end in the children planting a bulb to take home with them'. 'The Owl and Bird of Prey Roadshow will also be in residence on [their] lawn for children to see and interact with'. There are also many other children's activities planned for the Grand Opening Day including facepainting. 

Ladybugs is a small local farm, if you live anywhere near please come along, support this local business and have a great time! It's so important to keep our communities alive! 

Admission is always FREE - we all love a bit of that. The children's treasure trail activity is £2. Opening hours are 10:00 - 16:00hrs and the address is below.

For more information please see the Grand Opening Event Page and the Ladybugs Horticultural Farm Group on Facebook.

I'll let you know how it is - I'll definitely be going with my little lad!

Wellybobs & Ladybugs Horticultural Farm
Roman Road
01254 776663

Photo Credit
Ladybugs Horticultural Farm Facebook Group

Sunday, 29 August 2010

Cyber Ceremony

The lovely Emma McLaughlin, author of Cake For Breakfast and the tweeter behind @Cloggins is getting married next Saturday, 4th September 2010.


Now, we all like a good wedding but sadly, not all of us tweet-peeps can make it *sad suspense-creating face*. 
So, of course, the wedding mad blogger and tweeter Teresa, aka Bride On Time, has decided to take weddings to a WHOLE new level.

Probably the first of its kind, the Cyber Ceremony.

Brides who are connected to @Cloggins or fans of her weblog are dressing themselves in wedding attire, getting glammed up to the nines and eating cake to celebrate Emma's wedding on Saturday. Pictures will be posted the BECKICKLESIE and Bride On Time Blogs and exposed live on Twitter at 3pm, 15:00hrs GMT next Saturday.

Join in the fun! It's weddings, pimped! Teresa style. Of course, what else could we expect from our very own Bride on Time, eh!

Photo Credits:
Emma McLaughlin Twitter

The Great British Summer

The Great British Summer! Barbecues, sun loungers and ice-cold cocktails. 


Our summer consisted of about four hot weeks scattered over April and May. We made the most of it, summer walks, frolicking in the grass, picnics. 


Then along came the clouds.

OK so the nasty weather isn't great. It doesn't leave us with many days to do partake in typical summery activities with our children. It's difficult to build sandcastles at your nearest beach in the middle of a thunderstorm, nor is it advisable to take a day trip to a zoo or theme park in the lashing down rain. Picnics and football on the playing fields is out of the question, unless you like mud with your sarnies.

So you try and find indoor activities; play centres, pottery painting, museums. There is loads to do, of course. We were pleased to learn that a Legoland Discovery Centre has recently opened in Manchester, then there's Eureka, and we have a soft play place just down the road from us. 

But, out of all the money we've spent, places we've travelled to and time spent trawling the internet for different indoor ideas the best fun we've had this wet summer has been outside. 

Get your coat on, stick your wellies on and go for it!

I simply took my little boy into town yesterday, not for anything in particular. Just to get some meat, veg and fruit from the market. We live in a little town and a large part of the centre is cobbled. Puddle Paradise. Shopping aside, we ran through the streets laughing, ignoring all the middle-aged women who looked at me as if I was irresponsible and jumped the biggest jumps we could into the biggest puddles we could find. The little man just laughed and laughed more than I've ever heard him laugh before. It was great.

We were wet, we were cold but so what. We went home, we got dry and we changed socks/pants/shoes. Hardly a problem. Great free fun. The stuff memories are made of. 

And no, I didn't take any pictures. We were acting far too spontaneously for that kinda malarkey. 

Do it! Let your hair down.

Photo Credits:
Puddle: Pick Me!

Friday, 27 August 2010

Show me some loving

Are you a fan of the BECKICKLESIE Blog?

You can now show your support by adding a BECKICKLESIE Blog Badge to your own blog.

To add the badge simply copy and paste the following code into your html/JavaScript gadget creator.

If your blog is one of BECKICKLES'S favourites, look out for your personalised BECKICKLESIE Badge which will be forwarded to you pretty soon.

Take Deep Breaths and Count to Ten

Oh my lord, bloomin' nora, bojangles boot licker *bites knuckles*

I'm losing the plot. I would like to express how bloody annoyed I am this morning. The fact is, my fellow bloggers, I didn't wake up in a top-a-dee-doo-dah kinda mood. This is now being tested to the limit. 

For those of you who are new to BECKICKLESIE, I don't just blog. It's not all I do. I'm also in the process of completing a English Language and Literature degree with the Open University. I forgive you if you had no idea, I don't take myself too seriously and my blog posts certainly do not reflect in any way how I write my assignments. Totally different ball game. I'm here for fun, I'm with the OU on a mission.

Anyway, I blog when ideas pop into my head in the middle of researching Othello or analysing the feminist issues in A Dolls House. I also do bits of my development file for work at home, on the computer. I also bank online (go on, rob me. I dare you. I'll have your guts for garters).

For whatever reason, people in my house like to download the latest Sims add ons or leave their computer downloading titanic files with the internet open whilst they stand outside for half an hour chatting to the bloody window cleaner.

This ALWAYS happens when I am either a) in the middle of a blog post, which then freezes before saving b) just pressing the 'Publish Post' button c) trying to reference an online source for my assignment's bibliography or d) all bloody three.

Too add excitement to the above this is sometimes enhanced by the dog jumping on the computer or my DS crumbling an Organix Goodies Oaty Bar into the keypad of my laptop.

Alas, I will take deep breaths and shoot myself in the head. ARGH!

Photo Credits
Stress: 6 Lessons for Handling Stress

Is it any wonder I'm nuts?

- This is an example of a regular, every-day conversation between my Mother and me.

Mum: [Looking at laptop with a perplexed face] "What's that show you're going to watch in November?"
Me: [Watching Mum's perplexed face in the corner of my eye] "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."
Mum: "Oh, right." [Pauses whilst pondering] "What's that one that sounds like it?"
Me: "The Little Shop of Horrors?"
Mum: "Oh, right." [Perplexity expressed in face reaching climax]
Me: "Why, what've you got in front of you?"

Wait for it...

Mum: "Katie Melua!"

What the hell? Is it any wonder I'm nuts!?

For those of you as barmy as my mother, please view the following pictures:

This, my dear friends is 

This is...

And this, which is in no way related, connected, similar or in any way alike the previous two,
 is Katie Melua

If you don't mind I'm just going to go and bang my head against a wall for a few minutes. There's no chance of sanity around here.

The best mum around. She keeps me laughing. God love her.

Photo Credits
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: The Great 70's
The Little Shop of Horrors: Fused Film and TV Bomb
Katie Melua: Mirror Celebs

Winter Wonderland

I have had an overwhelming response to the Not a Christmas Post I wrote earlier this week. It seems that quite a few of you have been thinking on what to do this festive season; despite it not really being too near Christmas, we all like to plan holiday's in advance.

For those of you who have contacted my via email and Twitter regarding Center Parcs breaks I would like to direct you all to the Center Parcs Themed Breaks Webpages, listed below, for more information.

I don't work for the company, and my knowledge of anything other than what is written in my original blog post is pretty minimal.

I am happy, as one lady has asked, to recommend activities and to give information regarding  Sherwood and Whinfell Forest. However, this can only be given on a personal basis and my opinions are just that, opinions.

For more information on Winter Wonderland Breaks at Whinfell, Sherwood, Longleat or Elveden Forest please visit the Winter Wonderland Breaks Center Parcs Webpage.  Center Parcs also do themed breaks throughout the year and more information on these stays can be found on the Themed Breaks Webpage. This links to the Whinfell break page, however there is one for each of the four UK Center Parcs locations. To go straight ahead and book your stay please visit 'Make a Booking'.

To see what all the fuss is about, please visit Not a Christmas Post.

And thankyou, everyone, for going Beckicklesie Bonkers!

Thursday, 26 August 2010

Wedding Cake Mania

One thing I really enjoyed when my wedding preparations were in full swing was searching for cakes. I actually can't wait to do it again when we resume all wedding plans and decide to get hitched.

I just loved sending for cake box samples, going into cake shops and patisseries; tasting, admiring, choosing. It was all so exciting. I love cake. I am a massive fan and it was definitely an important choice for our wedding. We hadn't set a strict budget. We decided it was one thing that was for us as well as the guests, it is a main feature at a wedding, and we were having exactly what we wanted. 

Slattery's Patissier and Chocolatier - Whitefield, Manchester

And we got it, we went to a lovely Patissier and Chocolatier in Whitefield near Manchester, Slattery's. Slattery's isn't much to go off by the looks of their website, but the building is fabulous and so is everything inside. After a mooch round and a couple of hours admiring the cakes they had on offer, we settled for this beauty. 

Yes, it was expensive. But with the £200 deposit down, it didn't seem to badly priced after all. The cake was three tiers on clear perspex pillars, white cake boards with a shimmering silver edging. The cake itself was three different flavours. The bottom layer was planned as chocolate cake, the middle plain sponge and the top later (which I totally planned on keeping for myself) was coffee cake, The coating was all white chocolate, including the ruffles that you can see. This was then decorated with pearlescent ball strands and glitter dusting to add a tiny bit of sparkle to shine in the light.

The Cocoa Wedding Cake by Slattery's Patissier & Chocolatier

However, that was then. 

Oh yes, although I really love my cake and when I look at it I think it's perfect and just exactly what I wanted. Not planning my 'actual' wedding has been great, because I've browsed totally unaffordable and cakes that don't match, make a statement and are just, well, out of this world.

I've found, unfortunately that a lot of the more creative cake designers are based in America. That's not to say that I haven't found some fab ones in England. After all, I did order my cake from northern monkeys. Teehee! But seeing as they are so gorgeous I thought I'd share them with you all, after all, there's no harm in looking now, is there!?

The Caketress is based in Toronto, Canada. They have a huge array of gorgeously scrumptious cakes. Some of them just too beautiful to eat. The right-click device for their pictures is sadly disabled, so I am unable to show them on here, but please visit their site. The delicacy in some of their, what can only be described as, artwork is just outstanding. There are some real chic, sassy designs which will just make your mouth melt.

My H2B's favourite, and for cakes to take your imagination on a seriously wild ride, is Christopher Garren's: Let Them Eat Cake. Now this guy works some serious statement wedding cake magic. The company is based in Costa Mesa which I believe to be in California. Please correct me if I'm wrong, so I can change this post. I don't want suing!  Here are a couple of my favourite Garren cakes. A bloody genius.

Copyright © 2008 Christopher Garrens Let Them Eat Cake.
Copyright © 2008 Christopher Garrens Let Them Eat Cake.
Copyright © 2008 Christopher Garrens Let Them Eat Cake.
Copyright © 2008 Christopher Garrens Let Them Eat Cake.

Bearing in mind that these are cakes, and not ornaments, pretty bloody fantastic don't you think? Of course, they are far to elaborate for any wedding I would every have but it's just so interesting to see such an artistic take on, basically, baking. This is when you can really tell that cake making is a talent.

Taken from the Choccywoccydoodah Facebook Page

The next company I've come across is UK based * hurrah!*, Brighton shop Choccywoccydoodah. Now then, these guys provide wedding cakes, in a slightly gothic-cabaret style. They have a range you can buy online, I assume at a fraction of the price of the bespoke designs which they also offer. It seems to be a completely nuts take on retro. I love it for it's sheer wackiness extreme!
Here are some other Choccywoccydoodah cakes that are just too beautifully bonkers to ignore. I've included some general snaps of the store found on the Choccywoccydoodah Facebook Page. I feel you can't quite appreciate the nature of their cakes without getting an idea of what their shop is like. Dare to be different, huh!

Choccywoccydoodah also produce a marvellously mental Alice in Wonderland range. Loving a bit of that. It's the strangeness of Choccywoccydoodah I find so compelling, I think.

Have you found any weird and wonderful cakes? Too odd for words? Let me know! And what's more, let me know what you think of these bad beauties.

197 Bury New Road
M45 6GE
0161 767 9303

The Caketress
Toronto, Canada
The Caketress can be contacted via their online blog contact form
Twitter: @TheCaketress
Facebook: The Caketress

3321 Hyland Avenue
Suites J&H
Costa Mesa
CA 92626
You can contact Let Them Eat Cake via their online contact form

24 Duke Street
01273 329462
You can contact Choccywoccydoodah via their online contact form

Related Posts with Thumbnails